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Post by Teacakes on Jan 2, 2014 9:55:07 GMT
Not much change in paragraphs
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Post by Teacakes on Jan 2, 2014 12:55:04 GMT
You even put gaps in the middle of sentences... That's not how paragraphs work either.
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Post by Bioshock Infinite WD on Jan 2, 2014 18:09:21 GMT
What are you talking about? I am not finished yet with the paragraph form, the paragraphs are not quite as small as in your Kenny fic, but they are not all one super paragraph.
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Post by IDEK on Jan 2, 2014 18:10:17 GMT
I can't actually see th eparagraph.
I think if you get rid of the spaces when the paragraph hasn't stopped it'll be more noticible.
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Post by Bioshock Infinite WD on Jan 2, 2014 18:15:16 GMT
Again I am getting the paragraph form ready, then I will upload all of them plus a new chapter.
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Post by Teacakes on Jan 2, 2014 18:17:30 GMT
What are you talking about? I am not finished yet with the paragraph form, the paragraphs are not quite as small as in your Kenny fic, but they are not all one super paragraph. My Kenny fan fic is dead.
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Post by wakemeup on Jan 2, 2014 18:17:50 GMT
Good, it will be much better to read in paragraph form.
And Bio, you have Christa rank, how the fuck did you get so high post count?
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Post by Bioshock Infinite WD on Jan 2, 2014 18:19:51 GMT
No idea, and I know for a fact this is for the best, I am just not good at formatting, but I am getting good, and I assume I got suck a high rank by responding to anything.
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Post by Bioshock Infinite WD on Jan 2, 2014 19:22:44 GMT
Okay here is the first chapter redone in paragraph form, tell me is this how you want the fan fic to look like
It is said that war and money are the sum and root of all evil, I disagree. From what I have seen, the true root and sum are money and religion. The belief in a higher power has taken more lives than can be counted, but religion has created good things. Religion is the reason such great art hangs on the walls of museums in Paris. It is also the spark that ignites the flames of war, just because holy prophecy is told to the masses, it does not mean they can be trusted to do what is right. Elizabeth DeWitt 1912
Bioshock Infinite WD presents, in association with TKA, Harpa, Potato, and many more
The Walking Dead, the Will to Survive, Season Two, Everyone for Themselves
Act 1, A Calm Port
A Misty Morning
They say war is hell and never changes, well I can say with certainly they were full of shit, because it has fucking change. It was a cold and windy morning, the fog was so think I could barely see my own hand. As we walked the outline of the towering metal tombstones appeared on the horizon, ripe for the taken. It had been 401 days since the dead had appeared, me and my friend Dthly Chill were the only survivors of a once mighty group. We had all either died or had been separated, we fled from the great city of Savannah and arrived at Fort Benning, still staffed by the remnants of the US Army.
At first we were a joke, but as time went on and we started to pull our weight, we gained the respect of these soldiers. Recently food has become a problem, we have a lot of members in our camp, and we are not growing enough food, so we are going out on food raids more and more often.
This was our first raid, before then we were just guarding the front gate day in and day out, but that changed today. The fog was getting even more heavy and the white mist soon enveloped us all. I pointed my Beretta in all directions, not knowing where my group members were. There were four of us, me, Chill, Captain Karl Fairburne, our ‘boss’ of sorts, and his friend sergeant Eldridge, a calm and collective man by any standard. I kept walking slowly, before long the fog lifted, I could see Chill to my far left, I waved to him and watched as he slowly walked over to my location. I quietly told him, “Some thick fog huh?” “Yeah you could say that I guess, I’m sure this will whole raid will go well.” “I sure hope so to, I would hate to have the inscription on my grave say, never should have got out of bed.” “You damn right about that, Fairburne and Eldridge told me to look for you and to meet up at the super market.”
“Alright, we better hoof it before the dead start waking up.” Chill quickly nodded, and we start to walk down a desolate street, the only sound was the wind blowing away the mountains of garbage and waste. “Hey TR, do you know the name of this town?” “I do, it’s used to be sleepy town of Spencer’s Mill, a logging camp that slowly became a small township. It was once touted as being one of the better places to live in Georgia.” “One, damn you have a good memory, and two, it’s a shame this place went to shit.” We just kept on walking, the air was thick with the smell of rotting flesh. As we walked, Chill pointed out a small store on the corner of an intersection, “Tyler, get a look at this store, Tuckers trucker hats, it only sells trucker hats.” “Huh, would I look good with a trucker hat?” I quickly remembered two group members that had worn hats like that, Samuel and Kenny, rest their souls. “I guess, but since you don’t even wear a hat, sure go on ahead.”
I walked into the store, there were no dead bodies inside, but most of the hats were rotting away like meat, only a dark blue one was useable. I sighed, before picking up the hat, it was the best they had and we were likely not coming back soon. “I guess it fits ya, it does not fit as well as my amazing boonie hat.” “Fuck you Chill.” “ Hey I am being honest, who else is going to tell you what looks good on you, your dead girlfriend?” I said nothing back to him, I just kept walking, in the months since Savannah I feel like Chill had become more of an asshole, but I could hardly blame him, life had only gotten marginally better.
After sometime we found the supermarket, all the glass was shattered, and Kudzu covered the front door like seaweed on the ocean floor, time had not been nice to this place. We waited for Fairburne and Eldridge to arrive, and sure enough they showed up minutes later, I did not even have to check my watch once. Chill told him, “About time you got here, now can we please just get the food and leave, its fucking cold as hell here.” Fairburne replied, “First we get in, take all the food, and then we leave, that too much work Kyle!” Chill straighten his body and told him no sir, before almost silently saying “Sargent asshole.”
Fairburne kicked open the door to the supermarket, we all took a look inside, the shelves were all empty, deprived of all that once stood there. Fairburne was quite displeased, he yelled, “Jesus… our reports said this town had been untouched, it’s out in the fucking sticks! How could this fucking happen!” We all had not the faintest clue why all the food was gone, Eldridge spoke first, “Perhaps we should look elsewhere, maybe the people moved the food to the town hall?” “I hope you’re right about this Eldridge, we need that food more than ever.”
We walked out of the supermarket, heads held low, looking for the town hall. It did not take long to find the hall, it was just around the corner from the supermarket, but there was one thing that stuck out to me as odd. On the front door was a sign that bellowed “mercy belongs to the lord.” I found that a bit strange, but I did not take care, we needed to check if there was any food to be found.
Eldridge took point, he opened the door with his MP5 pointing forward. As the morning sun lit up the room, we could see the ghastly horror that awaited us. In the middle of the room was a large cross, the type you see in churches, but instead of a Jesus, it was a man with his arms and legs nailed to the cross. The man was now a walker, but so many thoughts bounced around in my head, what type of crazed fucker would do this? My mind thought of Crawford Oberson, but he was long dead, I took a deep breath, and started to look around for any signs of food.
It seemed my luck, which had watched over for so long, ran out that day, there was not a scrap of food to be found. Fairburne was mad, he did utter a word, but you could see it in his eyes. He stood there in the center of the room, his left hand hovering in front of his scared face, thinking of, something.
Eldridge broke the silence, “Look nothing remains in this town, let’s just head back to Benning and try to sort it out.” “Shaw is going to love this, alright everyone, return to the fort now!”
We all slowly limped back to our home away from home, not murmuring a word, we knew that if we were to not find any food, then death would soon be at our door.
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Post by Teacakes on Jan 2, 2014 19:36:10 GMT
Better. Good job.
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Post by Bioshock Infinite WD on Jan 2, 2014 19:36:51 GMT
Okay, so this is what the rest of the fic should be like.
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Post by Teacakes on Jan 2, 2014 19:38:48 GMT
Yes. It's easier to read and looks a lot better.
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Post by Bioshock Infinite WD on Jan 2, 2014 19:39:10 GMT
Okay, I will do this from now on.
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Post by Bioshock Infinite WD on Jan 2, 2014 22:52:25 GMT
Trouble on the Homefront We all slowly sundered back to Benning, there was a song from 1916, called Better Days, it pretty much summed up our situation.
Our home had seen better days, maintenance was always being used for something, from the stupid toilets not flushing to the fucking fence having a large hole. We walked through the somewhat comforting gates and into the main compound, it was not that impressive to look at, all it really is, is a lot of buildings surrounded by a concrete wall, and this was only a fraction of what Benning used to be.
Chill and I did not wait a minute, we bolted towards the barracks, we just wanted to sleep, it was getting harder to get even a little bit of shut eye. As I said a while ago, it was a small room with a bunk bed, not much to brag about but it did get the job done.
Chill tossed his standard issue M4A1 on the couch near the door, at least someone was nice enough to get one of those. I got into the lower bunk and glanced over at my stuff on the night table, a photo of the old group, taken a long time ago.
Melina’s watch, it still kept time quite well, the picture of her still inside, still young and innocent as ever. I turned my head up and just starred at the wooded board above, I slowly started to drift off, I fucking deserved it after this morning.
Not even a minute after my eyes closed, I heard the distinctive sound of speakers turning on, “Private Kyle and Tyler, your shift is starting!” “That mother fucker, damn it! Well, guess no sleep for the weary huh Tie?” “God one of these days man, fucking Upshur man, he sure loves his job.”
We both slowly got out of bed, Chill grabbed his rifle, quickly dusted it off, and ran out the door with me right behind him.
Our job most of the time was to guard the front gate in the guard tower, which was really an empty water tower with a ladder, some safety rails, and a ‘roof’ of sorts. It was our shift, and that would last anywhere between 30 minutes to hours.
We had only recently gotten lawn chairs installed, and let me tell you, it made it oh so much better. Chill was already sitting down on one of the chairs when I climbed up, he had his rifle just lying there on a small table.
“So Chill, what’s today’s topic?”
“I say we switch it up a little bit, what do you think happened to anyone famous? You go first.”
“Well alright, this is not really an inside secret, but I know for a fact that Pewdiepie did not survive that long.”
“Really? How do you know that?”
“I remember there was this huge convention in Chicago with pretty much anyone famous on YouTube being there, and if I remember correctly the TV said that he had been attacked by ‘rabid fans.’”
“Well good for him, I could not stand any of his videos, I would say the world is better off without him, but that is a blatant lie.”
“Okay, your turn, who do you think is still alive in this mess Chill?”
“I am betting the fucking Queen of England is still alive somehow, I swear if age could not kill her then how do the dead have a better chance?”
“I bet the guy in charge of EA is long dead, he most likely killed himself when he found out money is worthless and trust is all that matters.”
“Okay I got a good one, that one football player who made all those dogs fight each other is still alive, he probably just threw dogs at the walkers, heartless fucker.”
“Back to YouTube, there was this Minecraft Youtuber that knew how to survive, hell that was one of his shows, I bet he is still surviving, surviving out there in New England or wherever.”
“Okay last one, I bet all of those dumbasses over at IGN are dead, they probably rated this whole zombie outbreak a 6 out of 10, and then was swarmed when they figured out it was a fucking 10!”
“To true, do you ever wish you could be back in Savannah, I know it was shit but still, living with people you somewhat knew, people that would die for you?”
“Honestly no, I mean the old crew, Booker, Arlington, Tan, they were cool to be around, but we were always on the run, I hate to say it but I like it here more, even if some of its members are teetering on the edge.”
“I know what you mean, what do you think of Fairburne?” “I don’t know what to fucking make of him, he was an asshole when we first meet, but now, I don’t know.”
I told Chill, “Well I know not everyone here is as cool as the old group, but I for one think Eldridge is a decent enough guy, I mean remember that one day he got you an ice cream cone? How the hell did he even get that?”
“You got a point T, he is a cool enough guy, but outside of him, everyone feels like some random guy you see at a work place, you don’t know them, and you certainly don’t care about them even if they are helping.”
“Hey when was the last time we even got to shoot these fucking guns anyway?”
“Sometime, that is somewhat good, but I got a feeling that if anything ever shows up at the gates, it’s going to have any holes it in.”
“I hate having to go back to this, but what do you think ever happened to the group?”
“I keep telling you, Booker and his daughter found Clem along with Christa and Omid, and are staking a claim out there somewhere, I am sure of it!” I was about to ask Chill another question when that blasted loud speaker piped up once again, “Private Kyle, Private Tyler, report to Commanders office immediately!”
“That’s it, I am so kicking his ass! God what does Shaw want now?”
“Best we find out now, we could be here a while.”
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2014 23:02:17 GMT
oh god that was horrid!absolutely horrid!i couldn't stand reading this piece of shit and confuse it with an erotic fanfic of potatos and shit,and that fanfic sounds better than this!-∞ out of 10 *insert sarcasm here*
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