|
Post by Kat on Mar 23, 2014 12:09:39 GMT
It's all heating up.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2014 12:49:52 GMT
I have a suggestion - could ya write the name of whose POV each part is from? Kinda like how you do the deaths at the end. It takes a moment to figure out who it is which kinda removes the focus for me at the beginning.
Also, I may have died, but I took someone out at least XD
|
|
|
Post by IDEK on Mar 23, 2014 12:52:30 GMT
I have a suggestion - could ya write the name of whose POV each part is from? Kinda like how you do the deaths at the end. It takes a moment to figure out who it is which kinda removes the focus for me at the beginning. Also, I may have died, but I took someone out at least XD you did?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2014 12:53:54 GMT
I have a suggestion - could ya write the name of whose POV each part is from? Kinda like how you do the deaths at the end. It takes a moment to figure out who it is which kinda removes the focus for me at the beginning. Also, I may have died, but I took someone out at least XD you did? I was under the impression that I killed Pikablue, but now you're casting doubt in my mind.
|
|
|
Post by IDEK on Mar 23, 2014 12:58:02 GMT
I was under the impression that I killed Pikablue, but now you're casting doubt in my mind. I Thought whoever the narrator person was Killed him. Not gonna lie, Who was that? I have no idea. I thought it was Jake but then I saw Jake was knocked off a cliff, and then deadwaste and I don't know.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2014 13:01:52 GMT
I was under the impression that I killed Pikablue, but now you're casting doubt in my mind. I Thought whoever the narrator person was Killed him. Not gonna lie, Who was that? I have no idea. I thought it was Jake but then I saw Jake was knocked off a cliff, and then deadwaste and I don't know. It started from my POV then switched IIRC.
|
|
|
Post by IDEK on Mar 23, 2014 13:05:22 GMT
I Thought whoever the narrator person was Killed him. Not gonna lie, Who was that? I have no idea. I thought it was Jake but then I saw Jake was knocked off a cliff, and then deadwaste and I don't know. It started from my POV then switched IIRC. *Has no idea who/what IIRC is*
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2014 13:08:24 GMT
*Has no idea who/what IIRC is* If I Recall Correctly To be honest I didn't know what it meant for ages either.
|
|
|
Post by Rock114 on Mar 23, 2014 16:48:46 GMT
WOOHOO! I'm still alive! And I shot Bio!
...but I'm fucked up now. And what's this about someone tripping over my corpse last time?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2014 17:09:32 GMT
I was under the impression that I killed Pikablue, but now you're casting doubt in my mind. I Thought whoever the narrator person was Killed him. Not gonna lie, Who was that? I have no idea. I thought it was Jake but then I saw Jake was knocked off a cliff, and then deadwaste and I don't know. Jake wasn't knocked off a cliff. Pay more attention, bud. Pikablue was.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2014 17:11:11 GMT
It's good so far. The change from first to third person was pretty confusing, though. I've only ever changed from third to first person, and that was in between the first and second parts. What was happening there was Bio listening to Rock and Gengar.
|
|
|
Post by wakemeup on Mar 23, 2014 17:26:48 GMT
It's good so far. The change from first to third person was pretty confusing, though. I've only ever changed from third to first person, and that was in between the first and second parts. What was happening there was Bio listening to Rock and Gengar. Dammit, so I read the chapter twice and still didn't get what happened.
|
|
|
Post by Teacakes on Mar 23, 2014 17:30:50 GMT
I know that feel Brotato, I have no idea on what's happening.
|
|
|
Post by Autobot Sonic on Mar 23, 2014 17:33:19 GMT
For once, TKA isn't the only one confused.
|
|
|
Post by IDEK on Mar 23, 2014 17:34:21 GMT
Yeah...You might need to work on this story a bit more. I can't actually find this as a story, Hell...It took me 10 reads to figure out it was a flashback when the guy fell of the cliff.
|
|