QUERO FAZER SEXO, SEXO E ROCK AND ROLL!
VAI, VOCE É SEXY E SEXO!Rock, Sos and Carlos were sitting on a couch. The night wasn't quiet; there was a storm outside, with raindrops not just hitting, but banging on windows.
"Admin's not coming after all" Sos whispered. He could hardly contain his excitement.
"You know how he is." Rock replied, excited as well. "Asexual and all that."
Carlos, on the other hand, was not as happy as the guys. He was slightly nervous. "Are you sure about all this?" he motioned at the TV set. "While I'm definitely on board, I can't help but wonder--"
"It's going to be okay" Sos reassured him. He clapped his hands. "Ooh, I can't wait for this!"
"You always have the best ideas" Rock smiled.
"Wouldn't be so sure" Sos shook his head. "You're forgetting about TKA"
All three guys laughed. Carlos glanced at his watch.
"Any second right now, guys"
Rock grinned. "I've been waiting for this the whole week!"
Sos couldn't help but smirk at Rock. "Just a week? I've been waiting years until she's of age, Rock!"
The laughter was stopped suddenly with the thunder outside; all lights went out, except for the TV set, which somehow got switched on without any outside interference; there was a static noise on the screen.
"It's happening!" Sos whispered. He reached out for Rock and grabbed his arm; Rock in turn grabbed Carlos. All three of them slowly approached the screen, with static slowly fading and shapes appearing on the screen.
"You know" Carlos slowly said, "I'm starting to have some second thoughts about this"
Sos's eyes were glued to the screen - he didn't say anything. Rock, on the other hand, turned to Carlos.
"Can't go back now. Just enjoy the ride"
The image seemed glitchy, with various messages appearing. After a breif moment, the image was stabilized and guys saw a well in the middle of nowhere. Moments later a hand shot up out of the well, grabbing the ledge. Someone was trying to climb out.
The TV set began to shake and guys took a slight step back.
"Oooh, she's coming out!" Rock giggled, joined by Sos and Carlos - whose laughter was more nervous, but he tried to adjust to the idea.
Things quickly turned a lot more strange. Several drops of water fell out of the screen.
Tap, tap, tap.Sos inched closer. "She's a squirter" he stated, matter-of-factly. "This is going to be legendary--"
He suddenly stopped and moved a lot closer to the screen. Rock and Carlos looked at him, slightly worried.
"What is it? Something's wrong?" Carlos asked, getting more anxious.
Sos turned to face them, but his excitement was gone. Instead, his face bore an angry expression. He pointed at the screen.
"It's a GUY!" he hissed through gritted teeth. Rock and Carlos stared at the TV - Sos was right, a man was climbing out of the well.
"What the fuck?!" Carlos almost yelled. "It was supposed to be a girl!"
Sos stared at him incredulously. "Well, duh!" He then adressed Rock. "Where did you get this tape from?!"
Rock just stared at him blankly. "Well, from the VHS store. The guy said it was 100% legit, I swear!" he replied in disbelief.
Carlos quickly grabbed the case and examined it closely. It looked like an ordinary VHS case - but only then, he noticed something in a bottom corner of the cover.
"Aw, fuck..." he groaned.
"What now?" Sos questioned him.
Carlos presented a case to him and pointed at the cover. "See this?" Carlos hissed. "It says, 'Manufactured in Vladivostok.'"
Sos rolled his eyes. "Rock!" he quipped. "You've got us a bootleg copy!"
Rock stared at him incredulously. "Do you really think I checked the box with such scrutiny?" he fired back. "The salesman assured me that it's an original!"
"Well, I'll demand a refund!" Sos replied. "If I wanted a shitty substitute for a MCU movie, I'd go and give BvS a watch."
"So what are we going to do now?" Carlos asked, anxious.
The man, looking very skinny, started crawling towards the screen, growling.
"I don't know" Rock shrugged. "First thing's first, we should turn this off."
Carlos leaned down and unplugged the TV set, but it was still working. "Yeah, that's not working" he stated matter-of-factly.
Sos sighed. "For a cursed bootleg copy, it's working just like the original." The man crawled to the screen and started coming out, growling louder than before, but Sos shoved him back inside. "Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to think" he shouted at the screen, then rubbed his chin, trying to stop all this.
Seconds later, the skinnyman tried to crawl out once again, so Sos pushed him back into the TV again and, with the help of the guys, turned the TV to face the wall.
"That's fucking it!" Carlos fired out of sudden. "It's not just refund, that fucking salesman will have to repay us for the TV. This one's useless!" He pointed at the TV set, which began to shake. A noise of someone banging on the wall was heard.
"Geez, the guy's insistent" Rock commented.
"Well, there's not anyone in this room who wants to drill another guy's hole... or to be drilled, for that matter" huffed Sos. "This was supposed to be 3-guys-on-a-girl night, and it's all shit right now."
Carlos laughed. "You know, don't you find it funny that, when considering every story written by Tom, we were all gay at some point? That's ironic, given our current circumstances."
"Don't go wild with your imagination, Carlos" Rock raised his eyebrows. "I was supposed to take the front, while you guys were supposed to take both back exits"
Sos rolled his eyes. "Doesn't matter now, we have things to deal with!" he motioned at the TV. Water started pouring out of it, flooding the apartment. "You know what's gonna happ--"
He didn't finish. A loud banging below them was heard out of sudden, almost as if someone repeatedly hit the ceiling a floor below.
"I'll fucking kill you if there's even a drop of water in my apartment!" a muffled voice yelled from below.
"Yyyyyeah, so I guess we should do something before Harp will barge in" Carlos commented on that.
"Alright, I think I have an idea" Rock said. He picked up his phone and dialed a number. "TKA's our specialist on weird fetishes, maybe he'll know what to do"
"I thought I'm giving him a run for his money" Sos observed.
"Yeah, well, he's still unbeatable when it comes to certain stuff" Carlos replied.
They didn't wait for long until TKA's voice was heard on the line. "Hey Rock, it's a bad moment." TKA seemed anxious. "Playing FNAF right now, I'm on night 5, so make yourself scarce, Rock."
"Well, hello to you to" Rock replied and looked down. So much water poured in that it was already around their ankles. "I don't have much time, so I'll be quick."
"That's what she said." TKA laughed. "Oh shit!"
"What, what is it?" Rock asked.
"Phew, nothing. Just narrowly missed Foxy" TKA quickly said, relieved.
"Alright" Rock quickly filled him in on their situation. "We wanted to have a foursome with Samara."
"Isn't that illegal?" TKA carefully asked.
"SHE'S ALL GROWN UP NOW, GODDAMMIT!" Sos yelled.
"Okay, okay, I get it." TKA tried to calm him down. "Geez, Sos, it seems like you really need to get laid."
"Anyways," Rock interrupted him. "We accidentaly got a Russian copy and it's a guy. We can't get rid of him, the TV won't work properly anymore."
He didn't get to finish, TKA started laughing and couldn't contain himself. "A Russian bootleg fake" he was trying to catch a breath. "A beginner's mistake."
Carlos, Sos and Rock observed the phone. While, no doubt, TKA would help them, there was nothing in this world right now they wanted other than punch him in the face for mocking them.
"Well then" said TKA after he calmed down. "Do as FNAF lore instructs"
The guys looked surprised. "Which is...?" started Carlos.
Suddenly, TKA started singing. "I want to throw you out, just like my broken TV. If you'll come back once more, it shall be painfull, you'll see." Laughing once again, he ended the call.
The guys seemed stunned by this. When the water started reaching their knees, they knew there was no other option.
"If Harp comes here and tries to kill us, I'll demand much more than just a refund." Sos hissed.
Rock and Carlos exchanged glances.
"The salesman's a guy, Sos" Rock said. "If that's what you want, you may as well..."
"Haha, very funny." He replied, annoyed. Making his way to the TV he motioned at the guys to do the same.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" He said at the guys. "We'll do as we were said. Carlos, open the window."
Carlos walked to the balcony door and pushed it open. The water in the apartment poured out, but it didn't really matter; it was still raining.
Rock and Sos picked up the TV, with the screen still facing the wall.
"On three" said Sos. "One, two... three!"
Both guys swung wildly and threw the TV outside. The skinnyman tried to crawl outside midair, but moments later the TV crashed on the pavement, the force of impact pushing the guy back inside, with cracks appearing on the surface. The TV shut itself down.
Sos, Carlos and Rock walked outside on the balcony and looked down. Smoke was coming out of the TV.
"Well, I guess the warranty won't cover this one" Rock sighed.
"I guess so" Carlos agreed.
The three guys stood in the silence for a little longer. The storm was getting stronger.
"So are we going to call a hooker or something?" Sos casually said.
Carlos exhaled deeply. "Thought you'll never ask."
Sos quickly picked up their phone and dialed a number he memorized years ago. He waited for someone to pick up, but what he heard made his heart froze.
"It's Bonnie from Carver, Incorporated" said a woman. "How may I be of service, sweet boy?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!"
Sos shot up in his bed, covered in sweat. He looked at the window - it was almost morning. This was all a nightmare... hopefully.
He tried to calm down. He heard the muffled screeching of springs and woman's moans on the floor above him and knew he was awake. That's how every morning was in Pika's apartment.
"Sos! I'm trying to fucking sleep here!" he hear a yell from behind a wall. It was Carlos. "I told you, if you need to consult with doctor Jerkov, do it when no one's home!"
Sos laid back on the bed and exhaled deeply. Yeah, he was definitely awake.
******
Sos got up maybe half an hour ago, but the room was still locked, with blinds covering windows and not letting the sun inside. The only source of light was the monitor. Sos was sitting in front of the computer from the moment he suddenly woke up. This was his daily habit. He was almost halfway through the game.
And the chosen option is...
[CUT THE SHIT]"Didn't your mother teach you any manners?"
Sos inched closer to the screen.
Bloody Mary continued to talk to Bigby. "Or was she too busy FUCKING whatever breeze came through town?"
This was the moment. The way she said this... that's what Sos was always so worked up about. He paused the game and closed his eyes.
"There we go again" he whispered, unzipping his pants.
Meanwhile, Rock and Carlos were eating in the kitchen. Usually they'd wait for Sos and the rest of the guys to join them, but...
"I think that Pika was occupied yesterday" said Carlos.
"How can you possibly know that?" asked Rock.
Carlos shrugged. "His floor's our ceiling. To make matters worse, his bedroom's above mine, don't you remember?"
Rock laughed for a second. "Well, I thank God once again that I didn't pick it when we moved here." He ate some more. "Doesn't change the fact that my room isn't Sos-proof, though"
Carlos eyed him. "So you heard him today?"
Rock continued to eat. "That scream that sounded as if someone was raping a chimpanzee? I sure did."
There was a brief moment of silence. Carlos shifted uncomfortably in his seat, which caught the attention of Rock.
"Something wrong there, man?" he asked.
Carlos wondered for a while longer, but decided to spit it out. "Alright, there's one thing I'm thinking about and I need to ask you about it"
The tone of his voice made Rock realize that he might not like that. He didn't want to hear it.
"Shoot" he said.
Carlos cleared his throat. "Have you ever been... uh, excited in a... erotic manner... by a guy?"
Rock stared at him for several seconds before answering.
"Is this why you offered to make the breakfast today?" asked Rock, trying to contain a smile. "You know, you're a nice guy and all that--"
"No" Carlos interrupted him. "It's not that."
Nonetheless, a smile managed to appear on Rock's face. "Then what is it?"
When Carlos spoke again, he wasn't nervous or anything. His voice was stern. "I had a dream of Sos and Harp doing a lap dance for me. Don't know where it came from, but then I suddenly woke up with a boner so hard I could barely fall asleep again."
Upon hearing that Rock shrugged. "Oh, that's why you're asking. I wouldn't pay much attention to it."
Carlos stared at him incredulously. "You wouldn't?"
Rock finished his breakfast. "I'd say you had a dream about it because of all this goofing around on the forum about a Nick-on-Nick action. Harp probably showed up in your consciousness because he was strongly against the idea. I say you're not gay, if that's what you're worried about."
Carlos huffed. "I'm not worried about that. I just thought it was strange."
Rock stood up and picked up his plate. "Whatevers. Don't worry about it."
He turned around to put the plate in a sink, but in that very moment he realized that a person was stading behind him.
"I beg to differ" said Tormunds.
Rock almost had a heart attack, while Carlos jumped in his seat.
"Tormunds!" he yelled.
Rock was mad too. "What the hell did I tell you?!" he yelled too. "If you'll ever sneak inside our apartment, I'll fucking kill you!"
Tormunds raised his hands. "Okay, okay, that was the last time!"
Carlos was still angry. "The last time was the last time!"
"I know, I know, and I'm sorry" Tormunds said, faking regret. "Come on, I'll make a drawing of a naked Natalie Dormer for you."
Carlos sat down again. "But with Josie Maran kissing"
Tormunds rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine." He sat down by the table. "So, what are we having today?"
"Scrambled eggs" Rock motioned towards the big plate in the middle.
Tormunds eyed him. "I know that. I have eyes, you know? Just trying to maintain the conversation."
Rock walked to the sink. "Try harder then. Say something more witty."
Tormunds picked up a plate, took some eggs and then replied. "I can. Maybe like this?" he cleared his throat. "In Venice, Rock and Sarah Palin were in luck - they jumped into a gondola and began to... enojy the view, all the while disobeying the curfew."
"Shots fired!" Carlos clapped his hands.
"Ha-ha, very funny" Rock shook his head.
Tormunds grabbed a bite. "In the park, on a bench, solemnly sat Rock. The muggers came over and cut off his HAIR, because that's how but muggers in NYC sometime ago were"
"Alright, stop. I get it" Rock was cleaning up the dishes, while Carlos kept on listening.
Tormunds was almost finished with his food. "On the grass, by the trees, laid Rock the Runt, moaning since he felt pain in his... leg bone, since as of Fallout 4 New York is an atomic zone!"
"Alright, shut up!" Rock tried to sound threatening, but a small laugh escaped his lips.
"Oh, he got to you now!" Carlos was still laughing.
Right in this moment, Sos walked out of his room and into the kitchen. "Hi there." he greeted them. "What's so funny?"
Carlos was almost out of breath. "Tormunds, tell him!"
Tormunds had a playful smile on his face. "Oh, nothing. Just turns out Carlos wants to fuck you."
Rock bursted out in laughter while Carlos's demeanor changed in an instant. "HEY!" he yelled.
"Good one" Rock high-fived Tormunds.
Sos stared at them. "Whatever, I think I don't follow you right now"
Carlos exhaled. "Don't listen to them. They're talking shit as usual."
Sos walked over to the fridge and opened it. "Don't they always"
Rock folded his arms, still grinning. "What I'd call shit is the thing that stands by the fridge, with this word desciribing his whole existence up to this point which is suge a huge letdown that his whole body aches to turn back time the moment of conception, wishing that this one particular and very mobile sperm cell never made it to its destination."
"Ooooh, snap!" Tormunds joked.
Sos scratched his balls while still looking at the contents of the fridge. "Hello to you too, Rock. But I have to say that the monologue from the yesterday was actually better."
"What was it about, again?" asked Carlos, unable to recall the previous morning.
"Something about the spoon" Tormunds thought it over.
Sos sighed. "I was eating a soup and Rock said something among the lines of,
Oh, I see you brought a spoon to stir up some trouble."
Carkis didn't look quite convinced while Tormunds actually agreed. "Yeah, sometimes simplicity is better."
Rock sat down by the table. "Says the guy who made up some shitty poems barely minutes ago."
Tormunds folded his arms. "Alright, fine. I just love the sound you make when you shut up. Here, is that better?"
The guys nodded in agreement. "Totally." Rock replied and all four of them laughed. After several seconds, it all died down.
"Wow" Nick said after a moemnt. "We really seem like jerks, aren't we?"
"I'd say that's a given. We're registered on a forum and most of us share the same apartment building." Sos pointed out. "We're just one, loving, dysfunctional family."
Tormunds huffed. "I'd say 'dysfunctional' is a bit too strong to describe us."
The guys agreed, but right in that moment woman's moans were heard once again in Pika's apartment above.
"On the other hand, you might be right" Tormunds stood corrected.
******
Later in the afternoon, the guys were hanging out it SRC apartment, now joined by the others. People were talking in small groups, but only Admin was the only one browsing Internet pages by himself.
"Let me get this straight" Harp rubbed his temple. "You've been replaying Cry Wolf day after day... for the last two years?"
"That's right" Sos nodded. "My love for Mary is unwavering."
"That's sick."
"That's commitment. Try it sometime, H, you might actually fall for someone that way."
Harp was taken aback. "That I will, but you're in love with a fictional character."
"But she's not JUST any fictional character" Sos replied. "She's so..." he got dreamy again.
"Still, you should try to get to the real deal sometime, Sos" Pika joined in. "I know that you'll like to chase a rabbit without catching him in the end, but that's unhealthy in the long run."
Sos folded his arms. "Easy for you to say. You fuck bitches all the time, not like us. You're the man from a completely different world than we are."
Harp raised his eyebrows. "Just like the one in Twin Peaks?"
Sos shook his head. "No, that's different. Although the dance moves Pika has are just as good."
Nearby, Rock, Carlos, Tormunds observed Crack fooling around. He had a yellow scarf on his neck and was doing some weird dance.
"I have a man, I have an orange" he posed as if he was holding invisible objects in both hands. "UGH!" He made a move as if he stuck one inside another. "Donald Trump!"
The guys didn't seem amused by that.
"I still don't get it" Rock raised his eyebrows.
Crack continued, oblivious to their comments. "I have a man, I have a vodka..."
"It's about this stupid clip over at the YouTube--" Carlos began explaining, but Rock cut him off.
"I know where it came from, I just don't know why people find it funny." he said, still looking at Crack's weird dance. Right now it looked like he had a seizure of some kind.
"I have Trump, I have the Russians, UGH! World War III!"
Crackman finished and only then looked at the guys to check their reaction.
"Really? Nothing?" he questioned.
Tormunds shook his head. "I, uh, liked the choreography? Kind of like someone was taking a big black cock from behind."
Carlos nodded. "Yeah, it's the hips, I think"
Rock laughed at the comparison while Crack seemed offended. "I hate you guys... but what interests me is how in the world you know how someone taking a python from behind looks like."
Suddenly, all three shut up.
*****
"Alright" Harp rose his hands in the air. Everybody was at the table, save for Admin who was still sitting by himself in front of a laptop, checking stuff on Tumblr and DevianArt.
"So... the weirderst place you ever did it in" Harp proudly announced - to the groans and protests of the group. Well, sans Pika who didn't seem to mind.
"Can't pick one" he leaned on a chair, reminiscing about the past times. "On a washing machine, in a library, in a cinema, at the balcony in my apartment, just by the waterfall in the state park..."
"I'm asexual, asexual, lalalalala" they've heard Admin muttering under his nose.
"Whatevs, Sisosig" Crack replied, with everyone smiling at that, with the exception of Admin.
"You know" Rock scratched his head. "If I wasn't envious of you before, I am now."
"Who would have thought" Pika laughed. "You're the ones who call me as The Man From Another World. Oh, the places you'd go, if only you'd bother to go out and not stay in one secluded area."
Carlos folded his arms. "Easy for you to say. We're not as bold or courageous as you to talk a girl into stuff."
Pika stood up and walked towards the window. "It's not rocket science. Remember to go out, socialize, and talk. You think that, if you'll ask a girl out, she'll think that you're just horny for her?" he exhaled deeply. "Have it ever crossed your mind that this potential girl can have the same thoughts as you?"
"My weird place" Tormunds went back to the topic, "does not really exist. Didn't do it outside of my bedroom, to tell the truth."
Everybody stared at him.
"I'd say, woth how easy-going you seem, you wouldn't be that far behind Pika." Crack observed.
Just then, Tormunds playful persona fell a little. He didn't want to pursue the subject and guys quickly picked up on that fact.
"Upon hearing that, right now I consider myself lucky that I had sex in a shower while still in college." Rock made a joke.
"I'm saving myself for Mary" Sos said out of blue, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room - even Admin.
"Hang on a second." Harp tried to process what he has just heard. "Firstly, as we talked before... she doesn't exist, you do realize that?"
Sos eyed him, clenching his fists. "Just because you don't believe in her, doesn't mean she doesn't exist!"
Pika turned around to look at Sos more closely. "Who gives a fuck about that, Harp." he interrupted. "What do you mean, 'saving yourself for Mary'? Does this mean that you're..."
The room fell silent in an instant, without anyone uttering a word. They were still in minor shock. Suddenly, Admin quickly opened a search engine site and began looking for something.
"Soon you'll be thirty years old!" Carlos said in disbelief.
Sos chuckled at that. "And my songs will be sold as I travel around the world?" he replied playfully.
But Harp shook his head. "You think this is a joke? Man, we're serious here! While we're not all playboys in here, we're at least past that! Well, save for Admin who always plays Sisosig, but who cares. Carlos wants to fuck you, but even he drilled a proper hole before!"
"Hey, shut the fuck up!" yelled both Carlos and Admin almost at the same time.
"Man, you're in a serious need of sexing up your life." Rock pointed out.
Sos felt as if he was playing a losing game. They didn't understand him at all. "Mary is what I want" he stressed the name. "Besides, I have plenty of sex!"
Harp scoffed at that. "With handjobs taken out of that equation, too?"
Sos hissed through gritted teeth, but didn't reply. He didn't have to, they knew the answer already.
"Thought so." Crack observed. "Pika, say something!"
But Pika only stretched his arms at that. "The only thing I can offer is to send a girl from time to time to Sos, if you'll agree, of course. However, I'm not sure - with how he behaves as of late - whether he'd be able to put two and two together. Or, to be precise, what to put where."
"I won't fuck anyone else besides Mary!" Sos yelled. Why weren't they supporting? This was important to him, his crush for several years... Even though, deep inside, he knew they were right. There was no possible way that Mary existed, even though he was trying to live in denial. Maybe the legends were true. He read about this stuff, with people disappearing in mysterious circumstances, with a ritual in front of a mirror being mentioned. Or maybe that was a creepypasta, he couldn't tell for sure.
"Then you won't fuck anyone at all!" Rock fired back. "What we're saying is, that's not very good for one's health!"
"Now you're preaching" Crack rolled his eyes.
But Harp agreed with Rock. "No, I think I've heard that it helps to get rid of stress."
Crack playfully pat Harp on the back. "No wonder you're so uptight, then."
"Sos!" Admin suddenly exclaimed. "I think I can solve your problem!"
The gathering was taken aback by this news. Many of them stared at Admin as if he was an idiot.
"Great" Pika shook his head. "Another one having delusions. Where are the psychiatrists when you need them?"
But Sos's attention was fully on Sisosig. "Carry on."
Admin turned the laptop so that the guys could see what was on display. "Look what I've found."
There was a monitor of a cosplayer. It wasn't just ANY cosplay, though - the girl had several pictures of her dressed as Mary - the normal version and the unglamoured one.
She was stretching her legs.
She was licking the gun.
She was leaning toward the camera.
She had a devious smile on her face.Sos stared at the pictures with eyes wide open, mouth hanging low, hands all sweaty, legs all shaking and a bulge in his pants getting so big that he actually rose the table a few inches upward.
TI AMO UN SOLDO
TI AMOIN ARIA...
"I think I'm in love" he whispered, his eyes glued to the screen. The guys bursted out laughing, seeing him in that state.
Harp grabbed his stomach, he was laughing so much it was hurting. "You don't even know who she is!"
The others agreed. "Quite a way to jump from one extreme feeling into another" Crack observed.
Admin checked the user profile information. "She's from Russia. I don't think you'll get your chance, man. That's on the other side of the pond."
"Yeah" Carlos nodded. "I guess you'll have to settle for giving it to yourself from time to time."
"Well, the only difference being that TWAU can rest for now, you'll just use the pictures now." Tormunds pointed out. "Although I don't know whether Carlos and Rock will be happy when you'll exhaust the entire Internet transfer limit on that stuff."
But Sos ignored them. His mind was racing a mile a minute. "I'm not leaving it at that." He rose.
Pika raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean by that."
Sos paced the room without saying anything. The laughter died down and guys started to worry for him for a second.
"We'll go get her" Sos finally said.
They all stared at him incredulously.
"What?" asked Harp in disbelief. He thought he heard something wrong.
"We'll go to Russia!" Sos announced. When the guys began to protest, he immediately cut them off. "Look, even Pika said we should go out more and socialize. This is the chance. We've never been abroad, think of this as an adventure. We'll travel halfway through the world and nothing will stop us. Plus, we're Americans. I'm sure the foreign girls love bad boys from the Land of Liberty. And we'll all get to fuck Mary!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang in there for a second" Tormunds tried to slow him down. "You said you'll in love with this girl and you're saying we'd all fuck her?"
Sos looked at him as if he was an idiot. "That's fucking Bloody Mary. Can't help it. I bet she's into some shit. Makes a dick tingle when you think about it a little deeper. We should all join the fun should she allow that. Which I'm 100% sure of. Cosplaying as Bloody Mary... that's fucking adventurous."
Before he could continue, there was a loud bang heard in the hall outside the door to the apartment. The guys didn't know what was happening, but Harp decided to check what the hell was happening. He opened the door and saw three men. While they were still covered by a cloud of fog, he immediately recognized their features.
"How the fuck is this possible?" he asked incredulously. "You don't live in America!"
A male voice replied. "We were brought here by the power of the Amazing Grace to save you all from the Sodom and Gomorrah that's about to take place!"
Rock looked at the men. "What...?"
A music began to play, with its source unknown. The fog died down to reveal Tom and Fox, with the third person still barely visible.
"
Prepare for trouble!" began Tom.
"
Make it double!" Fox continued.
Crackman couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Someone pinch me, because this can't be actually happening."
Carlos nodded. "Yeah, that's worse than your rendition of PPAP." This earned him a shove from Crack.
"Sorry" Crack whispered. "Couldn't hear you because of that BBC up in your ass."
"Fuck off" Carlos huffed.
"
To protect the world from depravation!"
"
To unite all people under conservative nation!"
"Geez" was the only thing that came to Harp's mind. "Tommy boy, I knew you have conservative beliefs on things, but this is just way over the bloody line."
"
To denounce the evil of sex meant as love!" Tom and Fox continued, completely ignoring the guys.
"
To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"
Tom!"
"
Fox!"
"
Team Lecsó, blast off at the speed of light!"
"
Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
Right this moment, the fog dissolved completely to reveal the third person to be Lingvort.
"
Kurwa! CYKA BLYAT!" he simply announced.
Sos walked over to the door. "Yeah, yeah, this is all great, but can you tell us again what the hell do you want? Because I didn't quite get it"
Tom stood there proudly. "We're here to stop you from having a whatever-number-of-people-will-be-there-some with a Russian cosplayer!"
Sos rolled his eyes. "We'll do it with her permission."
"That's Sodom! We can't allow you to fuck anything that moves!" Fox joined in. "Not without marriage at least. And condoms are the devil's work!"
Sos felt this was getting boring. "Thanks for the information. Bye!" With that, he shut the door so hard that the force of impact caused Tom, Fox and Lingvort to destory the wall and fly away into the sky.
"Team Lecsó blasts off agaaaaaaaain!" was the last thing heard before they disappeared.
Sos turned to face the gathering.
"This is it, guys." he resumed his speech.
But Carlos still seemed unconvinced. "How do you think we'll get there? We don't even know the language!"
Sos smiled. "I had a dream yesterday. In it, you went with the plan I came up with, but were uncertain about proceeding until the very end" he almost laughed at the memory. "But worry not. You're forgeting about one more friend we have in Europe."
Rock quickly realized what he meant. "The Skyscraper!"
Sos slowly nodded. "Exactly. We'll visit him and he'll help us settle for the road." He extended his hand. "You're coming with me?"
One by one, guys slowly stood up and approached him and all joined hands... except for Admin, of course. They waited for him to join, but it seemed like it wasn't going to happen.
"Come on, man!" Tormunds urged him.
"I helped Sos find his purpose" Admin said slowly. "But I'm asexual, remember? I won't go into that kind of stuff."
Rock seemed disappointed. "You'll never make up your mind, am I right?" he thought this was the moment when Admin would finally snap, but apparently he was wrong. "You'll stay a Sisosig until the very end."
Admin didn't even bother to tell him to stop calling him names. Somehow he had to admit the defeat.
"Come on, guys, we'll need to get ready. We'll leave as soon as possible." Sos finally said and everyone dispersed to each other's apartments and rooms. They'd need some time to prepare for the travel. Admin sat alone in front of the computer. Their words hurt him, and he went back to that moment when it all began... when Tom wrote that stupid TFTWL fic.
"Your character stayed there and watched. That's what a boss would do. He needs to be decisive." Rock told him and everyone else agreed.
"Well, that's nothing like the real me" Admin replied. "I'm asexual, remember? I don't get enticed by things like these. And I'm sure I wouldn't watch a friend having sex with an urban legend."
"Suuuuure." Crack teased him. "Say, you'd truly have an opportunity to watch a friend have sex with an immortal being. This would be a chance of a lifetime. What would you do?"
This question did catch Admin off guard. He wanted to say 'no' right off the bat, but then... he started wondering out loud. "I think... no... well... maybe... yes?... or... I dunno..." he stammered.
Harp paid close attention to Admin's actions. "Well, is it a yes or no, then?" he finally asked.
"Sos has sex with Mary..." Admin kept on thinking. "And what would I do? I don't know... Should I stay or should I go? I can't really tell..."
"There he is!" Pika finally announced. "Can't keep his mind in line, unsure what to do and completely indecisive when it comes to stuff!"
"Which makes him a perfect person to be the Admin on the forum" whispered Sos and gently elbowed Harp.
"'Should I Stay Or Should I Go', did you hear that, guys?" Rock laughed and everyone else joined him. Admin tried to stop them, to no avail. Just a day later, they all started posting the song with that title in the shitpost thread to make fun of him. A guy who couldn't decide whether he would like to watch live porn. He didn't like that his friends laughed at that, but couldn't do much about it. That's how he was. Asexual.Admin inhaled deeply. This was it.
He quickly stood up and sprinted to his apartment. On the way, he narrowly missed his neighbour, an old woman to whom he usually delivered her mail, since she had trouble coming down the stairs.
"What's the rush, dear Admin?" she asked politely.
Admin threw her a quick glance, still running. He was grinning widely. "I'm going on an adventure!"
END OF PART ONE
***
PART II
THE LAST OF ASS
COMING SOON
Happy 10th Anniversary to The Walking Dead Game href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dAOhepWxds
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Happy 10th Anniversary to The Walking Dead Game href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dAOhepWxds
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