100% OF READERS DECIDED TO TAKE A BLIND SHOT.
___________
Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond the questions
TOM HAGEN presents
an OTWDF production
RH
PART 3
TIRED EYES, TIRED MINDS, TIRED SOULS
Rock114 @rhseemscool Niccc
STATEN ISLAND, NEW YORK
MAY 2003"Come on, what's wrong pal?" asked Rock, although he somehow knew what the problem was.
Both Harp and Rock were in their dorm room. Harp was standing in front of the mirror hanging just by the door. It seemed like his optimism managed to evaporate in the last few hours.
"You know, I'm not so sure about this..." Harp said, feeling a little uneasy.
Rock rolled his eyes. "Screw me if I'm wrong, but I think we've already had this conversation before"
Harp walked away from the mirror. He threw his jacket on a bed. "Rock, I'm serious." he muttered while passing by Rock. "I just don't feel like it." He walked to the kitchen and sat on one of the chairs, hiding his face in his hands. Rock followed him and sit on the opposite side of the table, so he could face Harp directly.
"It's not about whether you 'feel like it' or not." Rock raised his voice, but only a little bit. "It never is. You have your doubts, I get it... but you must understand that you just have to go for it."
Harp just sat there, silent. A few moments passed like this, until Harp picked up the phone from his pocket. He observed it for several seconds, as if he was contemplating something. For a while, Rock thought he managed to convince him. Until...
"I'm going to call it off." Harp said, suddenly. "I'll say that I'm busy or something--"
"No, you won't!" Rock interrupted him. He quickly got up from his chair and glided past Harp, snatching the phone from his hand and walking out from the kitchen.
"Give it back!" Harp yelled after him.
"No way" replied Rock. Harp followed him to the main room.
"Stop being childish and give me my phone back" Harp sighed.
"I'm childish?" Rock asked back. "Look who's talking"
Harp didn't feel like keeping all this going on and on. "You should be a friend. Support my goddamn decisions!"
Rock stared at him incredulously. "As a friend, I'm trying to help your sorry ass, since you can't take care of it yourself properly." he fired back.
Before Harp had any chance to reply, Rock continued his rant. "You finally make a connection with a girl you like and you're getting cold feet right before meeting her? Who does shit like that?!"
"Easy for you to say" Harp interrupted him, "you've already been in a relationship, more than once!"
Rock shrugged. "I wouldn't go as far as call it 'relationships', mate..."
But Harp didn't let it go. "Whatever it was, you know what you're doing. For me it's uncharted territory!"
Despite the situation, Rock laughed at this. "And it'll remain like this if you call your date off! Come to think of it, I wonder how many times did you do that before we met here and ran away like, no offence, a little coward"
Harp looked away. "Maybe a few times."
Rock couldn't believe this. "Jesus, Harp! You need to get a grip on yourself!"
He threw him his phone. "There you go. You can call the date off and still be single... or you can finally take the leap you've been witholding from all this time and move forward."
Once again, Harp didn't say anything to that. He glanced at the door and then at the phone.
Clambering for the scraps
In the shatter of us collapsed
That cuts me with every could-have-been
He made up his mind. Harp looked at his phone and started tapping. Rock observed him, not even trying to hide his disappointment.
"Your choice, man" he exhaled deeply and went back to the kitchen to grab a beer. "But know this - if you don't go for it right now, I'm afraid you never will. Remember, the clock is ticking and it'll be a lot harder for you to find a girl later. After all, the time at high school or university is the one when most relationships form."
Rock took a sip of his beer and looked outside. The day was slowly coming to an end, with the sun hiding behind horizon. He then heard Harp's voice, but it was not directed at him.
"Hey, Lucy. I, uh..." Harp stammered for a moment before calming his voice down. "...I've just called to check up on you. I'll be out on several minutes to pick you up."
Rock almost choked on his beer.
"Alright, I'll be there soon" finished Harp and ended the call.
Rock went to see Harp, who grinned at him. "You sneaky son of a bitch, you've got me there for a minuge" said Rock.
"Well..." started Harp, smiling. "I guess you were right. I should force myself a little, otherwise I'd be stuck with my fears forever."
"Wow" replied Rock with fake awe. "You listening to my advice? That's unheard of. You must be maturing."
"Look who's talking." Harp winked.
"Ha ha, very funny" joked Rock. He motioned at the door. "Now stop being a smartass and go. The girl's waiting for her knight in the shiny armor."
Both guys laughed.
Harp walked to the door. "Thanks man. I appreciate it." And with that, he was out.
Rock sipped his beef, looking at the door - even though Harp had already left.
"No problem, man." he said. "No problem at all."
Pain on pain on play, repeating
With the backup, makeshift life in waiting
INTERNATIONAL WATERS
MAY 2011The SEALs team was already extracted from Pakistan and en route to States. It was already morning in America and they were listening to the news over the radio on their way back in a military plane.
"There were some leaks--sort of operation, since many important--were seen heaing to the White--" said the reporter, a hint of anxiousness in his voice. The reception was not very good and the reporter was barely heard over the static noise.
"But there was a press release--official briefing on the situation--about to start now."
"Jesus" Carlos whispered to Rock. "We've barely been out of there and they're already going nuts back in DC."
"I am not surprised." replied Rock absentmindedly. "It was a given that it'll be all over the news well before the last shot will be fired."
"Ladies and gentlemen--" they've heard another voice over the radio.
"I wonder what will they say" Carlos wondered.
In contrast, Rock didn't really seem interested in that. "What do you think?" he asked. "Just some happy bullshit as usual. Beautiful, big words that'll tell everyone what they need to know, but, at the same they won't change anything."
Carlos stareed at him incredulously. "Won't change anything?" he pushed. "Don't you realize what we all did?"
The radio kept on buzzing. "--confirm--under the name Neptune Spear--that the most wanted--was killed in the early hours--Abottabad."
There's nothing to see here now,
Turning the sign around
We're closed to the Earth 'til further notice
"Do you really think this is all over?" Rock asked in return. "We did accomplish something huge, that's true. People will definitely celebrate this moment. But you have to realize that this is more of a PR victory than anything else. We took out a man who was a symbol, not a threat. And to what end?"
The plane shook slightly and Rock suddenly felt a little sleepy. He was tired after the events of last night.
"--firefight ensued--no member of the United States ar--was harmed--"
When Carlos didn't respond, Rock realized his words probably made an impact on him. He didn't want to discourage Carlos, the operation was successful after all - but he needed to realize that new threats and dangers will soon appear, no doubt.
"I need to get some sleep before we land" Rock said after a moment and started nodding off.
"Yeah, sure" Carlos replied, not really 'there' anymore. Rock was out like a baby moments later.
NEW YORK CITY
OCTOBER 2011The rain was getting stronger, but Rock didn't mind. He came to like this kind of weather, it had a soothing effect on him.
He walked to one of the houses which looked almost exactly the same like the other ones in this neighbourhood and knocked gently on the door. It didn't take long before he saw lights being switched on and soon after the door opened to reveal a little girl. The view surprised Rock. She couldn't be older than six, maybe seven years. He quickly shooked the feeling off.
"Hi there, little princess" Rock tried to smile. So did she.
"Good afternoon, sir" she replied politely.
Rock put his hands in pockets. "Is, uh... is your mom home?"
The girl watched him closely. "Yes, but you must wait. I can't let you in, mommmy always tells me not to let strangers inside. Or talk to them" she added after a while, "but you seem nice."
Rock was amused by how bold the girl was. "Your mom is right. But let me tell you something" he kneeled to meet her eye level. "Sometimes people who seem nice are not really like that. Keep that in mind, okay?"
The girl looked him in the eye. "Are you one of those people?"
Rock smiled and, not without hesitation, patted the girl on the head - but she didn't move back. "No, I'm not. Scout's honor."
The girl returned the smile. "Okay, wait here." she said and walked back inside. "Mom!" Rock heard her voice. "There's a man who wants to talk to you!"
Rock looked around the street, it was empty and quiet - well, not counting the sound of rain drops hitting the hard surface of asphalt and rooftops.
A stumbling cliched case
Crumpled and puffy faced
Dead in the stare of a thousand miles
"Who is it?" Rock heard a familiar voice and looked back inside. His gaze met the woman he once knew. She seemed rather stiff upon seeing him.
"Honey, go back to your room for a moment, okay?"
"Alright, mom" the girl said and walked away, while the woman put on her jacket, walked outside and closed the door behind her before adressing Rock.
"Lucy. Long time no see--" he started, but he was stopped by Lucy who slapped him across his face.
Rock touched his cheek. "Can't say I didn't earn it."
But Lucy didn't feel like joking. "Leave before I'll make you regret coming here at all."
Despite the threat, Rock didn't budge. "Listen" he sighed, "I know that you didn't part on good terms with Harp..."
"We didn't part on any terms" she hissed. "Last time I've seen him was back in high school - two, maybe three days before the exam. Yes, THAT goddamn exam. And then he just vanished" Rock felt the pain in her voice. The one that was still there, even after all these years. "I felt like a fool, not knowing what was happening. He wouldn't pick up my calls. Just like you" It sounded almost like an accusation. "And then I've heard that both he and you left the school... but rumor had it that you were expelled because of something illegal that both of you did."
She pointed her finger at Rock, her eyes piercing him.
"But I knew Harp. He wouldn't come up with any stupid idea that would make him breach the law. If anything, it would be you. You would drag him into some stupid scheme..."
She almost cried.
"I won't lie, it's true" Rock exhaled. He wanted to tell her the truth... but he didn't know whether he wanted to do that to give her some closure, or just to make feel better himself. Yet another selfish reason... Rock almost felt sick.
"I forced him into doing something he didn't want to do... it cost him a lot... but when he had a chance to point his finger at me, he didn't say anything. That's why we were expelled."
Rock felt even more sick. In his typical fashion, he didn't just say he was guilty. He had to pin the blame on someone else too.
Yeah, that stupid Harp. He could've said anything.
Lucy's face hardened. "Thank you for clearing this up" she replied sarcastically. "Now I'm feeling a lot better, knowing that both you and Harp ruined your lives, and, by extension, mine too."
Rock looked away. Her words hurt, but he couldn't say he didn't deserve it. It finally made him realize something.
ALL I WANT, ONLY ONE STREET LEVEL MIRACLE,
I'LL BE AND OUT AND OUT, BORN AGAIN, FROM NONE MORE CYNICAL
Why was he even there again? To pick up the old pieces? To scratch at the wounds that will probably never heal? No. It was his punishment, for all the selfish behaviour that cost those around him a lot. That's why he came here, for this moment of clarity - trying to make amends and to admit - not before anyone, but before himself - that he had to change.
"I'm sorry" he finally said. "It was me all along. I forced Harp... and he tried to protect me, even though I didn't deserve it. I should've said something, but..." he looked at Lucy. "...I feel like... I knew I would be expelled anyway, but part of me
wanted Harp to be expelled to, just so... I won't end up alone in this fucked-up situation."
Lucy observed him, both curious and mad at the same time. "Why are you even telling me this? Do you think this will help?"
But Rock shook his head. "No. It won't. But Harp was a better man, an even though it cost him a lot, he knew that it would be destructive to keep me around. He severed any contact with me after we left the school. Can't blame him for it."
He looked into Lucy's eyes. "And I'm sorry for all the pain it caused you. Everything happened because of me... and only me."
Rock wanted her to say something, but she didn't whisper even one word. Rock concluded that it was better than anything else. After all, she could've thrown him out after his confession. What was she supposed to say anyway? It's been seven years...
A strange thought popped in Rock's head. "Is... is your daughter..." He motioned at the door. "Well, you know...?"
Lucy eyed him. "Don't ask me and I won't have to lie to you"
The rain was getting heavier, with the awkward silence between them.
"So, why did you come here anyway?" Lucy finally asked. "To apologize for something that happened a long time ago?"
Rovk exhaled. "No, there's more." He made a small pause before continuing. "Although my contact with Harp ended after leaving high school... we met again three years ago."
******
"Rock! My little boy!"
"Hi, granmps" Rock replied.
His great-grandfather, a very old man with grey hair, quite a long beard and big glasses on his nose, greeted him. "Well, you're not a little boy anymore. I shouldn't call you like that. Forgive the old man for his quirks"
"Old habits die hard" Rock laughed. Despite his appearance, his gramps was as vigorous as a young man.
"Wise words" his great-grandfather said. "Come in!"
"I don't really mind being called like this" smiled Rock and walked inside the flat. He hanged up his jacket and folllwed his great-grandfather to the main room. The flat was small, but warm and cozy. Rock always felt he could come here with any problem and won't leave without some words of encouragment from the only person he had left in his family.
Everybody says time heals everything,
But what of the wretched hollow, the endless in between
Are we just going to wait it out?
"Still, after you joined the army, that's kind of inappropriate" his grandfather laughed and made them some tea. "Look at you now, you're all grown up." He sighed. "It's a pity your father or grandfather didn't get to see this. I'm sure he'd be proud"
Rock felt a sting of pain in his voice. He always admired his great-grandfather for remaining optimistic in his life, despite the fact that he outlived his son and his grandson. Tragedies that shouldn't really happen to anyone and Rock would not wish them to happen, even to his sworn enemies.
Rock sipped his tea. "Yeah, he would be proud of me right after I was expelled from school. Definitely" he tried to lighten the mood. "But I wouldn't become a soldier if it weren't for your advice, gramps."
His great-grandfather shrugged. "That's just something that came up to me. Although it wasn't pretty when you left school, the army was the option I proposed because that's what happened when I was younger" he sighed, reminiscing about past times.
"Young men are always needed in military service."
"Praise Uncle Sam, right?" laughed Rock and drank some more. "Feels like he's almost the member of our family"
"Can't say no to that" Rock's great-grandfather drank his own tea. "But enough of this chit chat, you know what I'm going to ask about" his tone turned slightly more serious.
"I think I know what it is" Rock put his glass down. "You want to know why I retired from service"
"Of course I want to know!" his gramps seemed a bit too excited for his age. "You've participated in the operation Neptune Spear! It was logical for you to follow up on that! Don't you realize how big that is? You and the rest of the operational team took down the most wanted terrorist in modern history!"
Rock shook his head. "I know how it sounds like" he started. "But I had my own reasons. See, gramps... before that OP, I was a squad member in two other operations. In both of those... I lost people I knew and grew closer to. I realized that this is well above what I can take" he sighed "and decided that I'll retire after this operation. It's just too much"
His great-grandfather eyed him. "You're a SEAL. You passed every psychological test there is. How come this is the reason why you retire?"
"Nobody knew how I felt about the matter until after Neptune Spear. It's a completely different situation when you're asked - theoretically - what would you do in combat, with your fellow squad members and friends being killed or gutted. It's not the same when you experience it in the field."
He looked out of the window. The rain was a lot lighter than earlier.
"I shouldn't really hold it against you, Rock" his great-grandfather said, his voice... with a hint of sadness? "I guess it runs in our family"
Rock turned around to face him. "What do you mean, gramps?" he asked, curious.
His grandfather was quiet for a moment. "There's something I didn't tell anyone. Come, sit" he motioned at the chair.
Rock sat back, looking at his great-grandfather. He didn't really know what to expect.
"It's something about my time in the army during World War II"
And sit here,
Just going to wait it our?
Rock's interest was almost at its peak. He loved the stories his great-grandfather used to tell about war when Rock was young. "What about it?" he asked.
"The story about how I got the Purple Heart... it didn't happen like I always told you. It was completely different"
Rock was slightly taken aback by this revelation. "What do you mean, gramps? You've always told me that you've got it after you were shot in the arm during the assault on Carentan"
His gramps shook his head. "I didn't get it in Carentan and not during its assault. It was something else... it was the most shocking moment of my entire life"
Without thinking much, the captain ran to the west. While running throught the street, a huge explosion caused one of the houses to collapse, the force of the blast causing the captain to be violently thrown several feet away. He hit the concrete wall of the nearby building and fell to the ground.
With the obnoxious ringing in his ears that caused the sounds of battle to become muffled, the captain tried to stand up, but he felt pain in his right hand. He didn't feel it at all. Looking at it, he realized why - it was probably broken. He was righthanded... but he'll have to learn to be lefthanded for the time being. It wasn't easy, but he managed to stand up, albeit he was shaking slightly."That's what you get the Purple Heart for?" Rock asked. He couldn't feel but be slightly disappointed. He always imagined his great-grandfather in combat, saw him as an army hero.
"No..." he continued. "There's more"
"Rock!"
The captain looked up and saw the lieutenant he was looking for struggling to get up - when he was suddenly grabbed and hoisted up by a German soldier.
The captain immediately unsheathed the Luger he managed to get during the assault on Carentan. The German soldier immediately put a pistol to lieutenant's temple.
"Waffe weg! Schnell!" yelled the soldier.Rock froze. "What... what was that again?" He felt his blood run cold.
His great-grandfather looked out of window. "I pestered you that you lost your friends in combat. I do know that feeling."
He exhaled deeply. "We secured Bastogne. The orders were to hold it until reinforcements came. But we didn't expect an assualt. We were taken by surprise, but managed to hold the city. The siege lasted quite some time, though"
Rock noticed a single tear rolling down his great-grandfather's cheek.
"But it's not what I really remember about it. It's the assault that left its mark"
Rock felt like he just had a deja vu...
"What are you waiting for?!" screamed the lietuenant. "Shoot him!"Rock felt his heart beating faster.
"What are you waiting for?!" screamed Harp, still weak. "Shoot him!"But captain Rock... or a Navy SEAL...
didn't have a clear shot.He couldn't be sure whether he'll kill a Kraut... or his friend. And risking his life... after everything he found out about recently..."What?" asked Rock, feeling weaker with every word he heard. "What did you found out about?"
His great-grandfather drank some more tea. "The, uhm... that lieutenant was my closest friend. Right before the siege, he received a letter... his wife informed him that they're expecting."
Rock felt nauseous. This couldn't be happening.
And then, for a very small moment, the entire world stood still.There was a big moment of silence.
"What did you do, gramps?" asked Rock quietly, sensing he already knew what happened. He listened to his grandfather finishing his tale, but what he saw before his eyes was a completely different battlefield, in another place, in another time, but with the same outcome...
And sit here, cold,
Just going to sweat it out?
Still blind and shaking from explosion, Rock tried to aim, but the terrorist was still hiding behind Harp. Harp's urges to shoot and terrorist's incomprehensible yells seemed so far away to Rock...
He aimed, but couldn't really be sure where the bullet will hit. He knew he had to do something, but in these circumstances he wouldn't trust anyone, not even himself - so what now?
He tried to steady his aim and shot.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The gun fired and Rock saw the bullet cutting through the air, moving towards the terrorist who was still wriggling, albeit surprised at the shot...
...a shot that missed its target and hit the wall, next to the terrorist's head.
Rock didn't even have a time to react, the terrorist yelled something incomprehensible once again... and pulled the trigger.
Rock felt as if the ground was slipping from below his feet. He saw the terrorist through the red cloud that slowly disintegrated into thin air. He tried to escape.
But Rock was in to much shock that suddenly turned into rage. He moved forward, running past the dead body, and shot like a madman at the terrorist. The man fell down to the ground, trying to crawl to the nearest door, but Rock kept on emptying his magazine...
The next thing he remembered was Navy SEALs being evacuated from the compound and flying far away from Abottabad... he heard something about the supervisors in DC planning to hide the fact that an American soldier was down in the operation, removing him entirely from any document regarding the operation and placing his death somewhere else, in a smaller OP, which didn't really look any different from thousands of them that took place during the war... and all this not to ruin the perfect story that the great American Nation once again made a great move in the War on Terror, completely unharmed... pushing the question of the necessity of their presence in Pakistan...
Rock came back to his senses, but he must have blacked out for a lot longer than he thought.
"Is everything okay?" his great-grandfather asked, concerned.
"Yes" Rock replied, his throat dry. "It's just that I was listening to this story and... I didn't even know you had to come through this lot"
His gramps nodded. "I made it through the rest of the war until we returned to United States. I promised myself to find my friend's family, but I wasn't able to. I went to their house, but it was empty. The neighbours told me that his wife moved after receiving the news of her husband's death. Too many painful memories. The only thing I knew was that she moved to New Jersey, but nothing more. I wanted to do something for her and the kid... hoping to help them in any way, since the husband and father was not coming back"
Rock felt a lump forming in his throat. "That lieutenant... what was his name?"
His great-grandfather stood up and walked to the chest of drawers nearby. He picked up something from one of them and went back to Rock. He gave him an old, worn out photo - there were two men standing, rifles in hand. Rock couldn't stop looking at the photo.
"That's me, obviously" said his gramps pointing at a blonde man with a beard. "We all look similar" he tried to laugh. He then pointed to another man - tall, with short, dark hair. "...and that's him. Lieutenant Harp."
Rock looked at Harp's great-grandfather. The name couldn't be a coincidence. He kept on staring at the photo.
If it weren't for this picture's age, he would've mistaken these people with himself and his lost friend. Two smiling men, not knowing what fate had in store for them.
"Thanks, gramps. Thank you for telling me" Rock smiled weakly. Despite his great-grandfather's honesty, he couln't tell him the truth. He felt that it would be too much for him.
Life had both of these families destinies entwined, and both times it made a cruel joke out of it.
******
The rain stopped and the weather seemed a lot nicer, with the sun coming out from behind the clouds, making the evening a lot more peaceful than the dark and misty day.
Rock stood before Harp's tombstone - just like a week earlier, or the week before it...
But then he was joined by a woman who came here with her daughter. He looked past his shoulder, observing them.
"Good evening, sir" the girl greeted him.
"Good evening" he replied. He then adressed Lucy. "I didn't think you'll came here."
She looked at him, a sad smile forming on her lips. "Harp wasn't there for me, but I can't say I stopped feeling something for him. And... there's still a part of me with him, you know?"
She patted the little girl on the head.
The comfortable silence engulfed them. They just stood there, deep in their thoughts.
"I had to come here, especially after everything you told me." Lucy broke the silence "I didn't know he was a military man. If I knew, I'd at least come to the funeral"
Rock shook his head. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. But, truth be told, it's better you weren't there. I... I didin't want to make the scene, but I had to walk out of the church after I heard Harp's father telling everyone how grateful he was for his son and how much he loved him" Rock tried not to get mad at the memory. "It's a pity he forgot that part about Harp joining the army because he was thrown out of his own house."
Lucy patted Rock on the back. "It's all in the past now, no need to get riled up about it. What we know now is what matters the most."
She kneeled next to her daughter. "Come on, don't be shy"
The girl smiled a little and put the flowers she had with her next to the tombstone.
"That's for you, daddy" she said, smiling.
Rock leaned closer to Lucy. "You told her? How did she take it?" he whispered.
"I always told her that her father was far away. I just told her that today was the day she'll get to see where he is. She took that quite well" Lucy whispered in return.
The little girl stood up and grabbed her mother's hand.
"Why did dad had to leave?" asked the girl.
"Hey" Rock said softly. "Your dad never left. He's always there for you, you know?"
"He is?" asked the girl, excited.
"Of course" replied Rock. "He was a soldier. He used to serve the country, but he gave that up for something more important."
"What do you mean?" the girl asked back, curious.
Rock smiled. He's on a watch, always keeping a close eye on you"
Lucy shed some tears upon hearing that. Once again, the silence fell upon them, save for the small gust of wind that passed right by them. More than ever before, Rock felt Harp's presence close by, almost urging him to go on with his life, being a changed man.
Wait it out...
THE END