NOTE: The only knowledge I have about 50 Shades of Grey comes from people's comments on the Internet and the trailer for the movie. Anyway, I don't care.
NOTE 2: Not all fetishes TKA posted about will be mentioned (I selected a few - some of them will be in Part 1, some in Part 2) because I don't want to conduct a forum research on that. Sorry.
NOTE 3: As always, there are mistakes, but you should all know by now that idgaf
NOTE 4: @jakest123 and
sos make guest appearances.
******
TOM HAGEN PRESENTS
AN OTWD FORUM PRODUCTION
A man in his early 40s, with signs of grey hair and bags under his eyes, sat behind the kitchen table.
"I'm gonna tell you an incredible story" started TKA, adressing his Daughter. "A story of how I discovered my fetish."
"Ewwwww!" his daughter gave an exclamation of disgust. "Am I being punished or what?"
TKA's face turned serious. "Yes, you are! You thought I wouldn't find out that you and your supposed boyfriend tried to sneak your way to the premiere screening of Fifty Shades of Sos?!"
"So what?" his Daughter was getting defensive. "Do you have any idea how long we've waited for the movie adaptation? I mean, this book came out when you were my age, dad! We all wanted to know how they managed to pulled it off!"
TKA rolled his eyes. "Couldn't you come up with a better excuse? You're not fooling me"
"Yeah, whatever" she folded her arms. There was a moment of silence.
"Anyways, as I said..." TKA cleared his throat. "I'mma tell you a story of how--"
"Yeah, yeah" his Daughter interrupted him. "Let's get this over with."25 YEARS EARLIER
So yeah, in a way, it all started with that goddamn book...
I was 16 and was about to go to school. I went downstairs to make myself some breakfast. My mother was already sitting in the kitchen.
"Hi, mom"
She was so engrossed by the thing she was reading that she acknowledged my presence by muttering something I couldn't decipher. I picked up a bread, butter, some salad and ham to make myself a sandwich or something.
I couldn't wait to go to school - that day, I had classes with my favourite Teacher. I didn't tell anyone about this, but I had this crush on her. She was only seven or eight years older than me. Jesus, she was so beautiful, and she had tits as big as...
"Ahem!" TKA's Daugher groaned....well, you have the idea.
The silence in the kitchen was getting unbearable.
"So, what are you reading?" I asked my mom.
She quickly raised her head. She looked as if she was caught doing something wrong.
"Oh, that's nothing" she tried to brush it off. "It's 'Fifty Shades of Sos'."
"Grandma read 'Fifty Shades'?!""I've never heard of it. What is it about?"
My mom smiled a little. "Oh, it's about the role of a woman in modern society."
I almost finished eating my breakfast. "Sounds interesting. I'd read it, but unfortunately I don't a lot of time right now. Too busy with schoolwork."
My mom nodded her head. "Oh, my little boy, so clever and eager to learn!" She walked towards me and kissed me on the forehead.
"Oh mom, come on! I'm 16!" I groaned.
******
The class was over and people already walked out of the class.
"I'm sorry ma'am" I started, pretending to hesitate slightly.
"Oh, TKA" said the Teacher while gathering her things. "What is it? I'm in a bit of a hurry"
Always in a hurry. I had no idea where she was going after school, but I liked to think that she always got back home, changed into some casual clothes, went running around the city a little - and then, just like women in commercials, she would drink some water, spilling it all over her br--
"DAD!""I-" I said, my voice cracking. "I'm sorry, but I need to talk to someone and--" She was surprised by my sobs. The plan was working. "--and I don't have anyone else to turn to!"
The Teacher was now deeply concerned about my state.
"Oh my God, TKA" she sat down and motioned for me to do the same. "What's happening? Is something wrong?"
My head fell down a little.
"I just--" I stopped. "No, that's stupid, I have to go" I got up, ready to walk out.
"TKA" her voice had a calming and soothing (
"hehe") effect on me. At least, that's what she thought.
I slowly turned around.
"I'm your teacher, you know you can tell me anything."
She gave me a soft smile. I sat on the chair again.
"It's... it's about my parents" I said slowly.
"What?!" asked TKA's Daughter. "What problems could you possibly have with grandma and grandpa?"
"I didn't" laughed TKA. "I just needed a reason, that's all."
His Daughter eyed him suspiciously. "Reason for what?"*******
"...and now they won't even notice my presence anymore, it's almost as if I was a stranger in my own house!" I cried my eyes out. After a moment, an idea popped up in my head. "And just this morning my mother didn't even acknowledge my presence, she was too busy reading some stupid book!"
The Teacher shook her head. "Oh my god, TKA. I didn't know that your family had such deep problems. Do you want me to talk with them during the next meeting at school?"
I dried my eyes. "No, please don't" I said, my voice a lot more stern. "It's something I have to work out on my own"
I got up from the chair and so did she.
"I just feel like I'm slowly dying inside and nobody gives a damn. Would anyone care if I wasn't there?" I hissed through gritted teeth.
"Don't ever think about that" The Teacher offered. "You're a good person. Don't doubt that"
She tried to humor me.
"I'm glad that you decided to share your problems with me. If you ever need to talk about something, you know where to find me." she said, smiling a little, offering a hug - which I immediately accepted.
"Thanks, ma'am"
And that hug... oh damn. I was as close to her tits as possible, they were so warm and soft...
"OH MY GOD, DAD!" screamed TKA's Daughter. "You made all this shit up just to get to your teacher's breasts?!"
TKA seemed angry. "Hey, mind your language, young lady!"
His Daughter calmed down a bit. "How often did you do that?"
TKA's cheeks were getting slightly red. "Several times..."
The girl made a gesture indicating as if she was about to puke.
"...that is, until..." he sighed.
"Until what?"
TKA looked straight into his Daughter's eyes. "Until I met your Mother."******
"Alright, alright, alright!" I said irritated. "You just hate Season 2 Kenny because you didn't side with him at all in Season 1!"
The group laughed. Why was I even friends with these people?
"Amongst other things" said one of them. We called him the Sensei of Sex, because his lines worked like a charm on any girl. Also, he managed do grow a glorious beard - at the age of 16! - and we were all envious of it.
"But you managed to grow a beard yourself. Look at you!"
"Yeah, but I'm more than forty years old. It doesn't matter anymore. Won't help me with the ladies now"
TKA's daughter rolled her eyes."Besides" said the Sensei. "He liked Jane more. That's just it"
"Oh please" I groaned. "You only liked her because you imagined yourself fucking her, for fucking fuck!"
The Sensei folded his arms.
"And what would you say about the fact..." my another friend dropped in. "...that he was in the spotlight all the time - at the expense of character development of other people?"
There he was. My other friend - we called him The Writer, because he was fantastic at writing - always loved to point out the flaws of the Telltale screenwriters.
"Hmpf. You're mad just because TT didn't use the characters from 400 Days as much as you wanted them to" I sneered.
I hit him where it hurt the most. The Writer was so angry at Telltale that he wrote his own version of events after Howe's fall.
"Wow, I didn't know you were a fan of TWD, dad" his Daughter stared at him. "But Kenny sucks"
TKA's eyes went wide.
"Blasphemy!" he shouted. "I'm going to cut you off your pocket money!"
His Daughter was now scared. She got smaller after his words. "Kenny is great! I swear!"Anyway... The Writer was so good at it, he went on to write several successful crime novels - the series about detective Alex Casey. We used to keep in touch, but I don't know how he's doing now. We've lost contact after he travelled to Bright Falls for small vacation.
"Because 400 Days was a waste of potential!" argued The Writer. "TT brushed them of just like that to make place for Kenny!"
"No" a female voice interrupted our discussion. "Kenny was a symbol of a man hitting a rock bottom. We could've help him regain his humanity... or kill him in cold blood."
All of us - me, Sensei and The Writer - turned around. I didn't see that girl before... but she looked like a role model. And she liked Kenny... I immediately forgot about The Teacher.
"Just because she liked Kenny?" TKA's daughter asked. "You're really strange, dad.""Who is she?" I whispered to The Writer.
He shrugged. "She's a new girl, I don't know her name"
That didn't stop the Sensei from trying to make his move.
"Hello beautiful" he said in a deep voice. "Have we met before?"
But she was unmoved. "I don't think so, Jane-lover" she hissed.
Sensei was shocked. It was the first time when a girl didn't want to talk to him. He looked down.
"Oh great, another rabid fan of Kenny" muttered The Writer. "Come on, Sensei, we don't have to listen to this." And with that, they walked away.
"People like to hate Kenny. It's nice to meet someone who doesn't bash him" I said. "Name's TKA, by the way"
She seemed stunned by that. "What? No. I'm TKA."
It was my turn to be shocked. "Wh...? I don't get it. How's that possible?"
She extended her hand. "I'm Theresa Kathleen Anderson. People call me TKA."
I grinned. "Well, I'm TKA. Because, Team Kenny Always" I laughed a little.
A small smile appeared on her face.
"Wait a second. My mum's Theresa Kathleen, nee Anderson" TKA's daughter stared at him.
"Yeah" TKA nodded. "So what?"
She looked as if she was thinking about something. "I don't get it. Where is this story going?"
TKA sighed. "You see... after I met your mother, I completely forgot about The Teacher. I spent a lot of time with Theresa, she liked Kenny very much... it was love. Otherwise, you wouldn't be there." he laughed a little. "But we didn't, uh... do "it". Well, we did... but right before that happened, your mother helped me."
This was a lot of (gross) information to process, but his daughter eventually uttered a question. "Helped you?"
"Yes" said TKA in a solemn voice. "She helped me discover my fetish"******
It was a summer evening. We were sitting on a bench near my house and - as usual - we were talking about Kenny and The Walking Dead.
"You know..." she said slowly, almost as if she was about to reveal some sort of well-guarded mystery. "When there's nobody at home, I sometimes dress up as Kenny, stand on a sofa as if it was a boat, and wave my hand forward, as if I was leading some people to a Promised Land" her cheeks were red.
That's when I thought, she's dressing up as Kenny? That's exactly what I need. I decided to share my own secret with her.
"Theresa..." I started. "I have to tell you something. Something no one knows and... I hope you won't judge me"
She looked me straight in the eye.
"I was... playing In Harm's Way on my laptop, in the living room - on a sofa. I was lying on my stomach and I couldn't wait for the end. That's when the choice to watch Kenny kill Carver or leave the store popped up. I decided to stay. Kenny walked towards Carver with a crowbar..." I stopped for a moment.
"Go on" she urged.
"And... my small brother was walking down the stairs. Well, he was bouncing up and down, because he got some new stupid toy from my aunt or something. I didn't notice him coming down. While he going down the stairs, he lost his balance... and Kenny was preparing to swing the crowbar at Carver..." I inhaled deelpy and so did Therese.
"When my brother was falling down, he probably tried to land on his hands, I don't know. The sofa was standing just by the stairs... and... I don't know, while falling, he waved his hands, trying to propell himself and at the exact moment when Kenny finally smashed Carver's face, my brother, because of his fall, forcefully shoved his entire hand in my ass"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"But Theresa didn't seem affected by that.
"And that's the moment..." TKA was breathing heavily. "When I realized... I want Kenny. Kenny is love, Kenny is life"
Theresa's breath was shallow.
"Oh my god, TKA" she almost moaned. "I really understand you. I love him too. And... oh god, TKA, I think I've finally realized that I've found someone who shares that feeling."
I grabbed her by her arms, while she cupped my face.
"Do you want to...?" she asked with a wink.
And that's when an idea popped up in my head. "More than anything in the world" I said. "But we need to go somewhere special. Somewhere no one's ever been"
I grabbed her hand and led her to my house. There was an old treehouse behind it.
"No one except me was able to go up there" I said. "My dad is not as agile as he used to be when he built it for me. Now I'm the only person who has access to it."
Theresa was curious. "What's up there?"
"This is my playground, the temple of Kenny" I said. "At first, I called it The Red House of Pain. Although that sounded stupid" I laughed a little. "So I renamed it as The Treehouse of Horror"
I reached towards her with my hand.
"If you come up here..." I said slowly. "...then there's no going back."
She didn't think twice. She accepted my hand and we slowly climbed the tree. I opened the hatch to reveal...
END OF PART 1