Post by Deleted on May 24, 2015 15:18:11 GMT
Don't ask me what this is. I just felt the urge to do something like that and wrote this right now, without thinking much - as you'll probably notice.
CRIMINAL MINDS: OTWDF FORUM
wakemeup @darkfoxtm @meganmi @zyphon Rock114 @lillyfan200 @tmh @harpadarpa
wakemeup @darkfoxtm @meganmi @zyphon Rock114 @lillyfan200 @tmh @harpadarpa
It was 2 a.m. in the morning. Brotato, a BAU agent, was sleeping in his bed, when suddenly his phone rang. He picked it up to hear that someone was clearing his throat.
"Hello?" he asked.
When there was no response, he felt unnerved. He climbed out of his bed only to notice Britney Spears, naked, sitting in his armchair. He yelled in panic and lost conciousness.
When he woke up, Britney was still there.
"Help! Someone's stalking me!" she begged Brotato.
Suddenly, the door to his bedroom opened and another BAU agent, Dark Fox, walked inside. He saw Britney and Brotato together.
"What the hell is this?" he laughed, while Brotato struggled to respond. "Holy shit, Meg, come here, you have to see this!"
Right then, Meg - BAU's IT worker - walked inside, but stumbled over Brotato's training bag. She tried to break her fall by grabbing Fox, but instead she ended up forcing her hand inside is mouth.
Brotato was still having trouble explaining what was going on, but Fox didn't mind. Instead, he decided to count how much teeth remained unharmed, while Meg sat next to him, realizing that Brotato has really uncomfortable armchairs.
"You have very uncomfortable armchairs" she said.
"Hmm" thought Brotato. "Maybe we should go to IKEA?" he proposed.
Meg jumped up. "Good idea!"
While they were distracted, Fox decided to get rid off Britney by throwing her out of window. When Brotato saw this, his 'knight in a shining armor' instinct told him to go after Britney. He jumped from the same window, but thankfully both of them landed in a dumpster.
"Good thing it's here" said Britney.
"Yeah. I usually throw my trash this way" laughed Brotato.
Their good mood was suddenly ruined when they realized that there was a corpse in the dumpster.
"OHMIGOD, THAT'S MY STALKER!" yelled Britney.
Meanwhile, Meg and Fox ran outside, worried that Brotato was hurt. When they saw he was okay, they examined the corpse.
"We should call this in" proposed Fox.
Minutes later, Rock - BAU's medical examiner - approached the body.
"I'm on it, guys, stay back! Trust me, I'm an M.E.!"
He picked up a scalpel and started slashing the body wildly - and just then, PARIS HILTON GOT OUT OF ITS BELLY, OH MY GOD!
"Oh no, not you, bitch!" screamed Britney; both she and Paris engaged in a catfight, knowing that there's probably a ton of paparazzi around the corner.
When the BAU team saw what was happening, both Rock and Brotato threw the fallen stars into a ring full of kissel and called Deadwaste and Zyphon to come and see this for themselves. Unfortunately, seconds before they arrived, a large truck carrying vodka to the nearest market ran over Britney and Paris.
"Nooooo!!!" yelled Zyphon the moment they were hit.
"Hit by a truck carrying vodka" said Deadwaste. "Looks like..." he put on his sunglasses. "...the drinks were on them"
YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Zyphon was so sad that he began crying and hugged Rock for comfort, but the force of the impact caused them to fall down on Fox. When they all got up, Fox got so mad that he went to the BAU offices to prepare a poison to kill them, but just then Meg walked in.
"I'm pregnant with Rock's baby!" she kept on screaming.
Fox was shocked by the news, but he proposed that she should take the pregnancy test once again.
"Huh. Okay, I'm not" she said after doing so, relieved.
Fox nodded and finished making poison. He was about to give it to Rock and Zyphon, but he stumbled upon Harp - a detective from Las Vegas - who has just entered the building and threw it all on him. Harp didn't even say anything, he just fell to the ground.
Seeing this, Rock fell to his knees and began CPR-ing Harp, imagining it was Britney. When Harp was revived, he realized that he always lov--
LIKED! ROCK! LIKED, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! IN A HETERO-WAY, YOU FUCKING PERVERTS!
--so he said that he's grateful for this and both he and Rock became best friends. Meg, disappointed that there won't be a wedding, approached Zyphon.
"Maybe it should be us who'll get married?" she offered. "I can be your Britney"
Zyphon thought that this wasn't such a bad idea. Hand in hand, they went to a nearest chapel and began the ceremony. But when the priest said...
"--or remain silent forever!"
...the door to the chapel barged open and everyone saw Tom Hagen - another BAU agent - giving Brotato a piggyback. They were chased by an insane old man with one leg who fell in love with Brotato!
But Brotato brushed him off, because he wasn't that easy, tiger. The man got mad and chased him and Tom.
"Help us, idiots!" yelled Tom.
When he was in the middle of an aisle, he fell down. The old man caught up to them and started talking something about cats eating gnats.
Brotato, as well as everyone inside, was stunned by the story, but only after some time Deadwaste realized that the priest was murdered. He was so shocked that he stumbled back and fell on Fox. He grabbed him and unfortunately he painfully tore of his precious, big and long...
...suitcase from Fox's hand.
"What the fuck, man, that's my favourite suitcase!" yelled Fox!
"Sorry, man" Deadwaste apologized.
Suddenly, Meg started crying.
"My dog is dying, please, help me!"
Everyone rushed to the M.E.'s offices in BAU building.
"Worry not!" Rock encouraged her. "We'll transplant a liver for him and he'll be okay!"
Zyphon slighlty elbowed Tom.
"Why are you in such a good fuckin' mood, Tom?"
Tom laughed a bit. "Oh, we raided a den yesterday and took over one hundred kilos of cocaine. Maaaaaaaan" he winked. "We brought it here, but shhh, it's a secre--"
"Guys!" Brotato entered the room, carrying a big bag full of white powder. "Where did this coke come froOOOOOOO!!!"
He slipped on the blood on the floor and dropped the bag, which fell into the bucket filled with water, liver floating in it.
"Holy crap, now my dog's gonna be on a constant high!" lamented Meg.
Right then Deadwaste walked inside, with Harp following him.
"People, listen to me!" announced Deadwaste. "Detective Harp is here, investigatin a drug ring in Quantico. He's on a hunt for one hundred kilos of cocaine. We need to find it - everyone who posseses it will be arrested. We need your help!"
But then, Harp noticed Tom and Brotato hiding something in their pockets, but a white powder was slipping on the floor from the cuffs of their trousers.
"What's that?" he asked suspiciously.
Tom and Brotato exchanged concerned looks.
"Uhhh... flour" said Tom.
"I guess that justice..." Deadwaste picked up his sunglasses and put them on top of his other sunglasses. "...will be served."
YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Harp dropped to the floor to examine the powder. He inhaled it and got up.
"Maaaaaaan..." he said. "...Tom, I need to check this again, because I need to be sure it's flour. Give me some more?"
But Tom and Brotato took a step back.
"We can't!" protested Brotato. "We need it to make an apple pie!"
Deadwaste tried the powder from the floor too. "C'mon, man.... I'll give you my awesome sunglasses!"
Tom thinks about this for a moment and decides to...
...escape!
"Oh no, you don't!" Harp chases after him, pushing away Rock, who was just carrying a glass full of blood for testing and splashing it all over Meg.
"OHMYGOD, MEG, ARE YOU BLEEDING?!" asked Zyphon, concerned.
Meg looked at him, mad. "You idiot, that's my new make-up!" she hissed.
Deciding that she's had enough, she tackled Tom and Brotato to the ground, grabbed the cocaine and took off with it, with everyone chasing her!
But Meg was smart and ran all the way to the top of Statue of Liberty. Looking down, she saw that the guys almost caught up to her...
She decided there was only one thing she could do. She took a run-up and jumped off. She did a somersault and landed on Empire State Building.
(uh, what? Nvm)
Her ribs were broken, but only then she saw a hooded figure nearby.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger!"
Realizing he's a friend, she bought a first aid spray in exchange for a bag of cocaine. She sprayed it on her arm and her ribs healed and knited back together.
"He he he, thank you!" said the figure.
"THERE SHE IS!" yelled the guys who also managed to somehow jump on the roof.
"Go to hell!" yelled Meg.
She ran down on the street.
"Don't let her go!" yelled Deadwaste, putting on another pair of sunglasses. "If she takes off with the coke, Mala Noche will kill my father, mother, uncle, aunt, hamster and my herd of wild elks!"
They chased her down to the East River where she threw the bag in the air and kicked it with all her might into the river. The Damned Cocaine of Doom dissolved in the water, causing the entire America to become high while the BAU team watched on. It was almost morning.
"That was cold" whispered Rock to Meg while everyone nodded.
"Cold..." said Deadwaste, putting on his sunglasses. "...as ice"
YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
"Hello?" he asked.
When there was no response, he felt unnerved. He climbed out of his bed only to notice Britney Spears, naked, sitting in his armchair. He yelled in panic and lost conciousness.
When he woke up, Britney was still there.
"Help! Someone's stalking me!" she begged Brotato.
Suddenly, the door to his bedroom opened and another BAU agent, Dark Fox, walked inside. He saw Britney and Brotato together.
"What the hell is this?" he laughed, while Brotato struggled to respond. "Holy shit, Meg, come here, you have to see this!"
Right then, Meg - BAU's IT worker - walked inside, but stumbled over Brotato's training bag. She tried to break her fall by grabbing Fox, but instead she ended up forcing her hand inside is mouth.
Brotato was still having trouble explaining what was going on, but Fox didn't mind. Instead, he decided to count how much teeth remained unharmed, while Meg sat next to him, realizing that Brotato has really uncomfortable armchairs.
"You have very uncomfortable armchairs" she said.
"Hmm" thought Brotato. "Maybe we should go to IKEA?" he proposed.
Meg jumped up. "Good idea!"
While they were distracted, Fox decided to get rid off Britney by throwing her out of window. When Brotato saw this, his 'knight in a shining armor' instinct told him to go after Britney. He jumped from the same window, but thankfully both of them landed in a dumpster.
"Good thing it's here" said Britney.
"Yeah. I usually throw my trash this way" laughed Brotato.
Their good mood was suddenly ruined when they realized that there was a corpse in the dumpster.
"OHMIGOD, THAT'S MY STALKER!" yelled Britney.
Meanwhile, Meg and Fox ran outside, worried that Brotato was hurt. When they saw he was okay, they examined the corpse.
"We should call this in" proposed Fox.
Minutes later, Rock - BAU's medical examiner - approached the body.
"I'm on it, guys, stay back! Trust me, I'm an M.E.!"
He picked up a scalpel and started slashing the body wildly - and just then, PARIS HILTON GOT OUT OF ITS BELLY, OH MY GOD!
"Oh no, not you, bitch!" screamed Britney; both she and Paris engaged in a catfight, knowing that there's probably a ton of paparazzi around the corner.
When the BAU team saw what was happening, both Rock and Brotato threw the fallen stars into a ring full of kissel and called Deadwaste and Zyphon to come and see this for themselves. Unfortunately, seconds before they arrived, a large truck carrying vodka to the nearest market ran over Britney and Paris.
"Nooooo!!!" yelled Zyphon the moment they were hit.
"Hit by a truck carrying vodka" said Deadwaste. "Looks like..." he put on his sunglasses. "...the drinks were on them"
YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Zyphon was so sad that he began crying and hugged Rock for comfort, but the force of the impact caused them to fall down on Fox. When they all got up, Fox got so mad that he went to the BAU offices to prepare a poison to kill them, but just then Meg walked in.
"I'm pregnant with Rock's baby!" she kept on screaming.
Fox was shocked by the news, but he proposed that she should take the pregnancy test once again.
"Huh. Okay, I'm not" she said after doing so, relieved.
Fox nodded and finished making poison. He was about to give it to Rock and Zyphon, but he stumbled upon Harp - a detective from Las Vegas - who has just entered the building and threw it all on him. Harp didn't even say anything, he just fell to the ground.
Seeing this, Rock fell to his knees and began CPR-ing Harp, imagining it was Britney. When Harp was revived, he realized that he always lov--
LIKED! ROCK! LIKED, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! IN A HETERO-WAY, YOU FUCKING PERVERTS!
--so he said that he's grateful for this and both he and Rock became best friends. Meg, disappointed that there won't be a wedding, approached Zyphon.
"Maybe it should be us who'll get married?" she offered. "I can be your Britney"
Zyphon thought that this wasn't such a bad idea. Hand in hand, they went to a nearest chapel and began the ceremony. But when the priest said...
"--or remain silent forever!"
...the door to the chapel barged open and everyone saw Tom Hagen - another BAU agent - giving Brotato a piggyback. They were chased by an insane old man with one leg who fell in love with Brotato!
But Brotato brushed him off, because he wasn't that easy, tiger. The man got mad and chased him and Tom.
"Help us, idiots!" yelled Tom.
When he was in the middle of an aisle, he fell down. The old man caught up to them and started talking something about cats eating gnats.
Brotato, as well as everyone inside, was stunned by the story, but only after some time Deadwaste realized that the priest was murdered. He was so shocked that he stumbled back and fell on Fox. He grabbed him and unfortunately he painfully tore of his precious, big and long...
...suitcase from Fox's hand.
"What the fuck, man, that's my favourite suitcase!" yelled Fox!
"Sorry, man" Deadwaste apologized.
Suddenly, Meg started crying.
"My dog is dying, please, help me!"
Everyone rushed to the M.E.'s offices in BAU building.
"Worry not!" Rock encouraged her. "We'll transplant a liver for him and he'll be okay!"
Zyphon slighlty elbowed Tom.
"Why are you in such a good fuckin' mood, Tom?"
Tom laughed a bit. "Oh, we raided a den yesterday and took over one hundred kilos of cocaine. Maaaaaaaan" he winked. "We brought it here, but shhh, it's a secre--"
"Guys!" Brotato entered the room, carrying a big bag full of white powder. "Where did this coke come froOOOOOOO!!!"
He slipped on the blood on the floor and dropped the bag, which fell into the bucket filled with water, liver floating in it.
"Holy crap, now my dog's gonna be on a constant high!" lamented Meg.
Right then Deadwaste walked inside, with Harp following him.
"People, listen to me!" announced Deadwaste. "Detective Harp is here, investigatin a drug ring in Quantico. He's on a hunt for one hundred kilos of cocaine. We need to find it - everyone who posseses it will be arrested. We need your help!"
But then, Harp noticed Tom and Brotato hiding something in their pockets, but a white powder was slipping on the floor from the cuffs of their trousers.
"What's that?" he asked suspiciously.
Tom and Brotato exchanged concerned looks.
"Uhhh... flour" said Tom.
"I guess that justice..." Deadwaste picked up his sunglasses and put them on top of his other sunglasses. "...will be served."
YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Harp dropped to the floor to examine the powder. He inhaled it and got up.
"Maaaaaaan..." he said. "...Tom, I need to check this again, because I need to be sure it's flour. Give me some more?"
But Tom and Brotato took a step back.
"We can't!" protested Brotato. "We need it to make an apple pie!"
Deadwaste tried the powder from the floor too. "C'mon, man.... I'll give you my awesome sunglasses!"
Tom thinks about this for a moment and decides to...
...escape!
"Oh no, you don't!" Harp chases after him, pushing away Rock, who was just carrying a glass full of blood for testing and splashing it all over Meg.
"OHMYGOD, MEG, ARE YOU BLEEDING?!" asked Zyphon, concerned.
Meg looked at him, mad. "You idiot, that's my new make-up!" she hissed.
Deciding that she's had enough, she tackled Tom and Brotato to the ground, grabbed the cocaine and took off with it, with everyone chasing her!
But Meg was smart and ran all the way to the top of Statue of Liberty. Looking down, she saw that the guys almost caught up to her...
She decided there was only one thing she could do. She took a run-up and jumped off. She did a somersault and landed on Empire State Building.
(uh, what? Nvm)
Her ribs were broken, but only then she saw a hooded figure nearby.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger!"
Realizing he's a friend, she bought a first aid spray in exchange for a bag of cocaine. She sprayed it on her arm and her ribs healed and knited back together.
"He he he, thank you!" said the figure.
"THERE SHE IS!" yelled the guys who also managed to somehow jump on the roof.
"Go to hell!" yelled Meg.
She ran down on the street.
"Don't let her go!" yelled Deadwaste, putting on another pair of sunglasses. "If she takes off with the coke, Mala Noche will kill my father, mother, uncle, aunt, hamster and my herd of wild elks!"
They chased her down to the East River where she threw the bag in the air and kicked it with all her might into the river. The Damned Cocaine of Doom dissolved in the water, causing the entire America to become high while the BAU team watched on. It was almost morning.
"That was cold" whispered Rock to Meg while everyone nodded.
"Cold..." said Deadwaste, putting on his sunglasses. "...as ice"
YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
THE END